Conquering low self esteem

This past weekend I've had a very inspiring moment unfolding.

When I was in my teens I've learned to play Tennis from an instructor and I also played at tournaments later on. But after some years I couldn't hit the forehand without the ball flying all over the place.

A split second before hitting the ball my wrist gets weak and starts to wiggle to this day. So I quit playing when I was I think 17 years old. From then on I only played alone against a wall because I didn't want to upset anyone.

On Friday we went with 5 people to a tennis court. I didn't want to play because of my handicap and instead went on to be the ball guy. One guy who is 20 years old hasn't had any trainer hours and played only once before. When I saw him playing multiple inspirations came along:

You basically don't need a trainer for anything. You can even be the best in any given subject by learning and training yourself. Up to now I had a perspective that you can only be good at something if you have been trained by someone. I think the western culture and way of thinking actually promotes this world view. That you don't trust anyone who hasn't learned from a guru in any given subject. So that anyone who wants to be perfect in a subject needs to have an authority he can point to.

The problem with that is that we ourselves then force us into very narrow boundaries of possibilities and we hesitate to try out different fields because we think that that field has already been fully covered by "experts" before.

For example this way of thinking (That you have to have a trainer) in itself prevents a child or an adult from the possibility of developing a more natural, more precise and more powerful way of smashing the ball that might currently not even exist. So getting a trainer in the first place can narrow our own possibilities down to the possibilities of the trainer. Because what if that what is taught is replaced by a new and better way of play in the future? Or a new discovery and so on.. You can't be the one discovering it because you followed the run out path.

By copying the play style or by being trained by a "professional" we don't advance or achieve breakthroughs, but just stay put at the current level of understanding.

By saying all this I don't mean we should throw away the teachers and trainers. What I'm saying is that a trainer or teacher shouldn't be seen as an ultimate authority or end goal to professionalism (Which currently is the case), but as someone who can teach us things we don't know, yet.

Though to really advance and go beyond we also have to leave the field of the trainer (or parent) to be able to ultimately pass them and become our own.

One repays a teacher badly if one always remains nothing but a pupil. - Friedrich Nietzsche
Man vergilt einem Lehrer schlecht, wenn man immer nur der Schüler bleibt. - Friedrich Nietzsche

This inspiration got me further into my own problems regarding self esteem. I discovered that low self esteem has influence on e.g. every skill I have but to resolve these issues it is not enough to resolve the source self esteem issue but I have to work on every subject itself that is infected by it.

Low self esteem is like cancer that slowly infects all of your organs but to heal from it it is not enough to fight the initial cancer cell but you have to fight each cell on its own on every organ. I'd say that I've won against the source of my low self esteem so that it can't infect new things, but it is still inside of me and has infected different parts. For example I still have trouble to talk in front of an audience (even if it is imagined like on youtube) and so on.

So to really free myself I still have a lot of work to do.

On the next day we went again to play tennis.

Because of all the inspiration and the motivation that resulted from it I took the racket and played. It took an hour or so to get used to it again but after that I could really feel the skill coming back and also the happiness of being able to play was omnipresent. I've had so much fun like in my teen years - exhausting myself to the limit.

I can't wait to play again.

Alle Dinge wollen deine Ärzte sein! - Friedrich Nietzsche
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